you know how the branches on a tree grow thinner as you go up. as if the tree knew the intention of the human like creatures and it just knew , ok? it knew that they won't be able to climb up it beyond a point. i was under a tree today. it was a nice old tree with character and stuff. shady and all it was. but the sunlight kept falling on my feet. so i moved around the tree. i moved around it but the sunlight just won't let go. so then i gave up. when i was there i saw this gap amongst the leaves on top of the tree. the branches have left space just big enough to let one human pass through the tree. and then i wanted to float through the tree. float beyond the tree to a place where the tree is a dot. see thats the thing, i don't want to fly. i don't really want to put in any effort. its not like i am lazy. i just dont want to work for things i know i already have. you know the ability to float. i will. I didn't today. my back hurts today.

a date so old,
things that are not there.
words hurl and you think.
think and try to put them in order.
so i will try.
a person who means nothing to everyone.
a person who means everything to me.
looking forward. going back.
weakness, deformities and abnormalities.
on the road.
a likeness long gone.
a war left alone.
a friend met after long.
a likeness new and shunned.
a likeness that means zilch.
a friend seen everyday.
a friend kills everyday.
about a handful of deaths and there i revive.
i am here today. so it is alright.

this means nothing much. only quite a bit.

mask.


am i not supposed to wear one? people who lived here before say so as well. they think its a collective fraud. a facade that is put on. to make sure the collective fraud remains the way it is supposed to be. but am i not supposed to? after all turmoils that made me a mask? i am my mask. or am i not? or maybe i am in some transition mode. trying too hard to become the mask i want to be. be one with it. but a bit of me still remains. on the mask. on me. it remains all over me. all over the mask. as much as i want to break free of me to be one with the mask, i get entangled in me. i will try harder from tomorrow. to make the collective fraud look real. to be more of the mask and less of me. i promise.

predictions and measurements. can not think beyond that? why does one always have to know what lies ahead?

i do too? or do i?

Effects and consequences have the ability to control your and to some extent my decisions.The significance of your actions do not control your(or mine or his/her or his/her..) future actions.

There are approximately 6,602,224,175 kinds of people that we know of, so far. It kills me.

I felt my thoughts die. Yesterday. Not metaphorically really...literally. I thought of pretty things, things I liked and feelings I allowed myself to feel. I tried to put them on paper. They died. It started with the first word. After the 6th word, they died. All of them. On the paper. Deranged and spilled. All over the paper, with black ink. Dead but they live. I knew them, you see. Wish you could see them. They were pretty and that is why their obituary is on this blog.

I am NOT a depressed being.
I smile.
Laugh too.

When a day goes by this fast,
You can not afford.
You can not afford to stop and dwell.
Can not afford to think and realize.
Realize that it did happen and prevail.
Prevail over your life,
Your being. Amorphous being of yours.
Oh! This amorphous being of yours.
Yes, yes. I do admit.
It has been me.
It has been my being that has been questioned.
My being blazing past me.
My self so strange and surreal,
It ceased making sense to me long back.
Its my drugs that keep me alive.
These drugs that help me be.
Help me be me.
So that you can be you and live.
Live with yourself,
While I slowly die.